I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
