Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just gift wrapped bread.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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