the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
