Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
