Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
