Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
