she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
