On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i think i just lost a toe
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
