Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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