why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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