Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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