y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
