My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am midnight drunk by noon
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
