if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Be still, my beating vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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