sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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