If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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