Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
