So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
