What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
