You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
