dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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