I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
