I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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