Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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