Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Randomize
