I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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