at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
