im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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