high people should be assigned attendants
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
