why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
