super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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