haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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