Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
she woke up with a sticky ear
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
