I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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