I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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