bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
