So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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