Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
