i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
