so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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