i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
