the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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