drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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