This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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