i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
