maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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