Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
