Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
