i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
