Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
