nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
