The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
