My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
