Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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