You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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