The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
