is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
