and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
