mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
