my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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