He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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