we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
