My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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