he wants to bone in the snuggie
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
