got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
