I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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