508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
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