Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
