too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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