so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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