i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
