U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
