that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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