brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize