The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im holly from the hills drunk
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone elseโs panties
No one knows. This doesnโt happen to normal people.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
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