Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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