Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
