did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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