after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
