I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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